5 Steps to Co-Regulating Your Child's Emotions

As parents, we often find ourselves in the midst of our children’s emotional storms, wondering how best to guide them back to calm. Co-regulation is a powerful tool, and it involves guiding your child through their emotional experiences while maintaining your own sense of calm. Here’s a breakdown of five essential steps to help you co-regulate with your child effectively.

1. Keep Your Emotions in Check

The first step to co-regulation is managing your own emotions. As parents, it's easy to get caught up in our children's feelings, but it's crucial to stay grounded. Remember, you can only bring your child down to the level of calm that you have. If you're upset, take a moment to breathe and centre yourself before attempting to help your child.

2. Communicate Safety

Once you’ve calmed yourself, the next step is to communicate safety to your child. Your body language is key here. Make sure your posture, tone of voice, and facial expressions all convey calm and safety. Get down to your child’s level and keep your arms open, as closed body language can signal a threat. This helps reassure your child that they are safe and can begin to calm down.

3. Name the Emotion

Children often struggle to understand and express their emotions. By naming the emotion you observe, you validate their feelings and help them make sense of what they're experiencing. For instance, saying, “You seem really angry right now,” acknowledges their feelings and opens the door for them to correct or confirm what they're feeling.

4. Stay Close

Proximity is powerful. Sit close to your child or, if appropriate, offer a gentle touch to let them know you're there. For some children, particularly those who might not appreciate physical contact, simply sitting nearby can provide the comfort they need.

5. Ride the Wave

Emotions can be overwhelming, but they are also transient. Stay with your child until the wave of emotion passes. Even if they ask for space, let them know you're nearby. After the storm has calmed, you can then discuss what happened and how to handle similar situations in the future.

Co-regulation is about more than just calming your child; it's about teaching them to understand and manage their own emotions. By following these steps, you’re not just getting through the tough moments—you’re helping your child develop the emotional skills they need for life.