Embracing Chaos: A Neurodivergent Family's Journey
Introduction: The Challenges of Parenting Neurodivergent Children
Parenting is never a straightforward task, but for families with neurodivergent members, it can feel even more complex. In my work as a psychologist, I've seen countless families navigate these unique dynamics. However, no two families are the same, and no single piece of advice applies universally.
A Conversation with Shona Gates: A Unique Perspective
Recently, I had the privilege of talking with Shona Gates, a mother of three and an inspiring advocate for neurodivergent children. Shona not only has neurodivergent children, but she also lives with ADHD herself, bringing a profound, lived experience to her parenting. Together, we explored the intricacies of managing a busy family life, balancing multiple businesses, and the challenges of finding the right structures for children with ADHD and autism.
Thriving in Chaos: The Gates Family’s Approach
What struck me most about Shona's story was her family’s ability to thrive in what most people would see as overwhelming chaos. For Shona, it's about creating a structure that works for her family, not adhering to societal expectations. With a family calendar filled with up to 15 therapy appointments a fortnight, multiple businesses, and children with differing needs, Shona’s household may look chaotic from the outside. But for them, it’s the perfect balance of busyness and structure.
Shona’s Guiding Principle: Figuring Out What Works
One of the most poignant moments in our conversation was when Shona shared her journey with her eldest son, who was diagnosed with autism at a young age. The early advice she received from their paediatrician, "Don't Google it, just figure out how his brain works," became a guiding principle. Instead of relying on external advice, they’ve adapted and experimented, finding solutions that fit their family’s unique rhythm.
Customised Solutions for Neurodivergent Needs
Shona's approach to managing neurodivergence is rooted in self-awareness and flexibility. For example, her children need very different things to regulate themselves, from physical activity to structured routines. One child might thrive with heavy physical activity, while another craves routine and predictability to feel calm.
Throwing Out Conventional Advice
At the heart of Shona’s philosophy is the belief that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to neurodivergence. Every child is different, and sometimes, conventional advice has to be thrown out the window. What matters is recognising what works for your family, unapologetically.
Embrace Your Family’s Unique Rhythm
Her candidness about navigating pathological demand avoidance, food aversions, and the constant evolution of parenting strategies reminds us that parenting isn’t about perfection; it’s about learning, adjusting, and doing what’s right for your family. Shona’s journey reminds us all to embrace our own family dynamics, however chaotic they may seem to outsiders, and find our own path to thriving.
Ready to bring more calm and understanding to your parenting journey? Join the course today and discover the tools and strategies that will help you and your child thrive.
Click here to learn more and enroll: From Chaos to Calm
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