Parenting Teens in the Real World: What Every Parent Needs to Know

 By Leanne – Psychologist, Parent, and Host of “Parent Like a Psychologist"

Parenting a teenager can feel like trying to steer a car that suddenly has a mind of its own. One minute your child is sweet and predictable; the next, they’re slamming doors and rolling their eyes. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and more importantly, you’re not doing it wrong.

In a recent episode of Parent Like a Psychologist, Dr. Jari Evarts explores the common myth that teens are supposed to behave well all the time. Spoiler alert: they’re not. In fact, what might look like defiance or emotional chaos is often just a natural part of adolescent development.

The Teenage Shift: A New Phase, Not a Failure

Dr. Evarts shares her own experience parenting her 14-year-old son to highlight a key point: adolescence brings a dramatic shift in behavior and needs. What many parents interpret as "bad behavior" is actually a sign that their child is transitioning into a new developmental stage—one shaped by hormonal changes, social media, academic pressures, and growing self-awareness.

Instead of panicking or taking it personally, Dr. Evarts encourages parents to upskill their parenting strategies. “It’s not a disaster,” she says. “It’s an opportunity.”

Understanding Teenagers: It’s About Brain Development and Pressure

Teenagers are undergoing rapid cognitive changes—but not always evenly. Emotional regulation, impulse control, and long-term thinking are still developing. Combine that with constant social comparison, homework overload, and pressure to fit in, and you’ve got a recipe for emotional volatility.

That’s why it’s essential for parents to adjust their expectations. Recognizing that a teen’s behavior often stems from developmental and environmental factors—not rebellion—helps parents respond with more empathy and less frustration.

Perspective, Not Perfection

A recurring theme in the episode is perspective. Parents need to shift from reacting to behavior to understanding it. If your teen is rude or dismissive, it doesn’t mean they hate you—it likely means they’re struggling with their own emotions.

Dr. Evarts suggests:

• Pause before reacting: Give yourself time to respond thoughtfully rather than emotionally.

• Don’t take it personally: Your teen’s mood swings aren't a reflection of your parenting failures.

• Use humor: Light-heartedness can defuse tension and open the door for better communication.

Setting Boundaries With Calm Authority

Boundaries are not about control—they’re about safety, respect, and trust. Dr. Evarts offers practical advice:

• State the rule once, clearly, and leave it at that.

• Have regular conversations about household expectations—don’t spring rules on your child in the heat of the moment.

• Be firm but not reactive when your teen crosses a line.

It’s also important to remember that cultural differences, parenting solo, or other life circumstances can shape how you set and enforce boundaries. Flexibility and self-compassion go a long way.

The Bigger Picture: Skills for the Real World

Ultimately, parenting teens isn’t just about surviving the day-to-day—it’s about preparing them for adulthood. Dr. Evarts emphasizes teaching real-world skills like:

• Self-regulation and perseverance

• Problem-solving and conflict resolution

• Money management and responsibility

Teenagers may not always seem interested in these lessons, especially when they’re comparing themselves to airbrushed lives on social media. But with consistent guidance and support, they’ll build the tools they need to thrive in the real world.

For Teens Facing Bigger Challenges

If your teen is dealing with more serious issues—like anxiety, depression, substance use, or autism spectrum challenges—Dr. Evarts stresses the importance of professional support. High schools often have resources like counselors and welfare coordinators. Parents can also access services through NDIS or community mental health networks.

A Final Word: Focus on the Long Game

Raising teenagers can feel like a storm, but storms don’t last forever. The goal isn’t to fix your teen—it’s to support their growth into a resilient, capable adult.

So take a breath. Adjust your lens. And remember: you’re not alone. With the right perspective and a few strategic tools, you can navigate these years with more confidence—and even a little humor

Takeaway Tip for Parents:

Raising teenagers can feel like a storm, but storms don’t last forever. The goal isn’t to fix your teen—it’s to support their growth into a resilient, capable adult.

So take a breath. Adjust your lens. And remember: you’re not alone. With the right perspective and a few strategic tools, you can navigate these years with more confidence—and even a little humor.