Behavior Is Communication: Lessons from a Neurodivergent Mom
By Leanne Tran | Psychologist | Parent Like a Psychologist
Raising Neurodivergent Children with Empathy, Insight, and Advocacy
In a powerful and deeply insightful episode of Parent Like a Psychologist, host Leanne Tran welcomes Ashlee Bazley—a mother of four neurodivergent children, an ADHDer herself, and founder of Absolute Ability Support Services. Ashlee brings to the conversation a rare combination of lived experience, professional expertise, and an unwavering commitment to advocating for neurodivergent individuals and their families.
The Power of Understanding Behavior
One of the central themes in Ashlee's parenting journey is learning to understand behavior not as defiance or dysfunction, but as communication. Whether it’s repetitive actions, emotional outbursts, or avoidance, Ashlee emphasizes that these behaviors often signal underlying needs, stressors, or attempts at self-regulation—especially for children with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), ADHD, or intellectual disabilities.
She explains how developing self-awareness as a parent has helped her stay calm and present, especially during challenging moments. “Sometimes it's not the behavior that needs fixing, but our reaction to it,” she notes. By learning to pause, reflect, and de-escalate, Ashlee has found ways to foster stronger, more trusting relationships with her children.
Embracing Routine and Repetition
Ashlee speaks candidly about the importance of routine and repetition in her household. She highlights how children learn through patterns—and how consistency in both expectations and responses helps build a sense of safety and predictability.
This approach is especially effective when dealing with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), a lesser-known profile on the autism spectrum. Ashlee shares a powerful strategy she uses: “filing things away for later.” Rather than confronting an issue in the heat of the moment, she waits until emotions have settled before addressing it—an approach that benefits both her children and herself.
ADHD, Empathy, and Shared Experiences
While Ashlee downplays how ADHD affects her parenting, she acknowledges the unique challenges it presents—especially when juggling multiple demands. But this neurodivergence also gives her a deeper sense of empathy and connection with her children. She recounts a moment when her son was misunderstood in class for fiddling with objects during a lesson, only to later demonstrate that he had absorbed everything being said. It reminded her of her own childhood, when pacing the classroom helped her concentrate.
This lived experience allows Ashlee to see the world through her children’s eyes—and to support them in ways that others might miss. “We need distractions to focus,” she explains. “It might not look like listening, but it is.”
The Role of Advocacy
Advocacy is at the heart of Ashlee's mission. Through her work with Absolute Ability Support Services, she supports children and families navigating the education system, the NDIS, and other support frameworks. Her goal? To shift the way society sees and responds to neurodiversity.
Ashlee believes that many of the challenges neurodivergent children face stem not from their differences—but from a system that hasn’t adapted to include them. “We’re trying to fit neurodiverse kids into neurotypical boxes,” she says. “Instead, we need to reshape those boxes—or throw them out altogether.”
Whether she’s supporting families in crisis, running parenting programs, or educating teachers, Ashlee brings an unwavering belief that knowledge leads to empowerment, and empowerment leads to change.
The Strategy Tool Belt
A favorite metaphor Ashlee uses is the “parenting tool belt.” Just like a good handyman needs multiple tools for different jobs, parents need a wide range of strategies to support their children. “What works today might not work tomorrow—especially with ASD,” she explains. “So we need lots of tools, and we need to keep adding to them.”
She encourages parents to stay flexible, creative, and open to trying new approaches. “Sometimes, even an old strategy will work again. The key is having options—and not giving up when something stops working.”
Find Support with Ashlee
Ashlee's work is based in Queensland, Australia, but her reach extends much further. Through her website and Facebook community, she continues to educate, support, and advocate for families across the country.
Connect with Absolute Ability Support Services:
-
Facebook: Absolute Ability Support Services
Her inbox is always open, and she encourages parents not to hesitate in reaching out: “Would you rather live a life of frustration—or ask for the help that could change everything?”
Final Thoughts
This episode is a reminder that parenting neurodivergent children isn’t about fixing them—it’s about understanding them. With empathy, education, and the right support, parents can build environments where their children thrive—not in spite of their differences, but because of them.
Ashlee's message is clear: Behavior is communication. Advocacy is essential. And connection begins with understanding.
If you’re a parent feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or out of strategies, take heart. There’s a community ready to support you—and more tools waiting to be discovered.
