How to Help Your Child Try New Things Without Tears and Tantrums

Does your child burst into tears at the sight of a new dinner, refuse to go to a birthday party, or scream at the thought of swimming lessons? If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone — and it’s not laziness, stubbornness, or manipulation. Most of the time, it’s fear.

The good news? You can help your child develop flexibility and cope with new experiences — gently and effectively. Here’s how.

Understanding Why New Things Are Scary

Kids who struggle with trying new things often have brains wired to crave sameness. This is common in children with:

• Autism

• ADHD

• Anxiety

• Sensitive temperaments

For these kids, new experiences can feel unpredictable and overwhelming. They lose a sense of control, which can trigger fear, stress, or big emotional reactions.

The challenge isn’t just the new experience itself. It can also be:

• Not knowing what will happen

• Unfamiliar routines

• New people or places

• New foods (including sensory aspects like texture or smell)

Understanding this perspective is key. Your child isn’t being difficult—they’re experiencing real fear and uncertainty.

Step 1: Understand the Root Cause

Before you try to change your child’s behavior, it helps to figure out what’s behind it. Timing matters:

• Don’t ask during the meltdown. Your child won’t be able to articulate their feelings in the moment.

• Wait until they are calm, then gently ask:

  • “I notice you really don’t want to do that. Can you tell me what feels hard?”

  • “I wonder if you’re feeling scared?”

This approach encourages open communication without judgment. Children are more likely to share when they feel safe and understood.

Step 2: Build Flexibility Through Small, Gentle Steps

Flexibility is like a muscle — it strengthens with practice over time. Here are strategies that work:

1. Offer Choices and Control

Giving children some control reduces challenging behaviors. Examples include:

• Letting them choose what to wear or when to go

• Letting them decide whether you stay during an activity

• Using visual aids, charts, or social stories to explain the sequence of events

Even small choices help your child feel empowered, making new experiences less intimidating.

2. Gradual, Play-Based Exposure

Introduce new experiences slowly through familiar play:

• Role-play scenarios with toys or dolls

• Create social stories to show what will happen from start to finish

• Keep changes incremental and predictable

Consistency and patience are essential. Remember, progress is gradual, not immediate.

3. Celebrate Small Wins

Every small step counts. Examples:

• Sitting near a new food at the table

• Completing part of an activity like swimming lessons

• Trying a bite of something new

Acknowledge effort, not just results. Praise and positive reinforcement reinforce courage and confidence.

4. Integrate New Experiences into Routine

Introduce tiny changes as part of your child’s consistent routine. This reduces anxiety while giving them repeated, safe exposure to flexibility.

Step 3: Supporting Your Child in the Moment

Even with preparation, meltdowns can happen. Here’s how to respond:

• Stay calm: Your child can sense tension, which can escalate fear.

• Empathize: Validate feelings with phrases like:

  • “I know it’s really hard to try something new.”

  • “I see you’re feeling nervous.”

• Offer tools: Help them manage emotions with slow breaths or other calming strategies.

• Express confidence: Reassure your child that you believe in their ability to cope.

If the attempt doesn’t succeed, that’s okay. Some days are harder than others. Use phrases like:

“It didn’t work out today, but maybe next time it will. Let’s try again when you’re ready.”

The goal is progress, not perfection.

Key Takeaways

Helping children try new things requires patience, empathy, and strategy. Remember:

1. Understand the “why” behind their fear

2. Provide control and choices

3. Use small steps and play-based exposure

4. Celebrate every effort

5. Keep routines consistent, adding tiny changes gradually

6. Support them in the moment with calm, empathy, and encouragement

Over time, these strategies build flexibility and resilience — skills that will benefit your child for life.

Final Thoughts

Flexibility doesn’t happen overnight. Think of it as planting seeds of courage: small, consistent efforts create confidence and resilience.

By understanding your child’s challenges and teaching the right skills, you can transform new experiences from a source of fear into opportunities for growth.

If you want guidance tailored to your child’s unique needs, a parenting coach or child development professional can help you create strategies that work at home. With the right support, you’ll feel confident helping your child navigate any new challenge that comes their way.