How to Raise Girls Who Truly Like Themselves: Insights from Kasey Edwards

Raising girls today can feel overwhelming. Everywhere they turn, school, social media, advertising, even well-meaning relatives, girls receive constant messages about how they should look, behave, or fit in.

But what if our real job as parents isn’t to shape our daughters into “good girls” or “successful girls,” but to help them become girls who like themselves?

In a recent episode of Parent Like a Psychologist, I spoke with bestselling author and researcher Kasey Edwards about her book Raising Girls Who Like Themselves. Kasey and her husband, Dr Christopher Scanlon, spent a decade researching what truly builds confidence, resilience, and self-worth in girls.

This blog dives into the practical, evidence-based strategies we discussed, ideas every parent, teacher, or carer can start using today.

Why “liking themselves” matters more than ever

Kasey wrote this book because she wanted her own daughter to grow up with something she didn’t have enough of growing up: a strong sense of self-liking. Not performative confidence. Not perfectionism. Not “I’ll be enough when…”.

But genuine self-acceptance.

Research shows that girls often learn early to look outward, to peers, adults, teachers, and social media, for validation. Without the right foundations, this can lead to:

• low self-esteem

• people-pleasing

• body shame

• difficulty setting boundaries

• vulnerability to bullying or unhealthy relationships

Helping girls like themselves is one of the most protective things we can do.

7 Foundations of Raising Girls Who Like Themselves

Kasey’s book highlights seven pillars that help girls grow into strong, capable, secure young women. Below are the key ideas we explored.

1. Body Ownership: Teaching Girls Their Bodies Belong to Them

This was the most controversial topic in Kasey’s book, and also one of the most important.

Girls experience thousands of small moments where they’re taught that their bodies are not their own:

• “Give Grandma a kiss even if you don’t feel like it.”

• “You can’t wear that; you’ll draw the wrong kind of attention.”

• “Fix your hair before we go out.”

These messages chip away at autonomy.

Kasey shares a rule every family can use:

If it’s not harmful or permanent, kids get to choose.

This means choosing clothes, hairstyles, accessories, and how they show affection.

Why this matters:
Girls who feel ownership of their bodies are less vulnerable to manipulation, harassment, and coercion. It builds safety, not risk.

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2. Build Self-Worth Beyond Beauty

Girls receive more appearance-based comments than anything else. Even positive ones can unintentionally send the message:

“Your value is in how you look.”

But no one can ever be “beautiful enough” in the eyes of society, not even supermodels, as Kasey noted from interviewing them.

Instead, we can shift praise toward:

• creativity

• humour

• kindness

• problem-solving

• courage

• persistence

These traits build self-worth based on who they are, not how they look.

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3. The Power Perspective: Teaching Girls to Trust Their Own Opinions

Girls often learn to look outward for validation.

Kasey encourages a simple shift:

Flip Your Praise

Instead of answering:
“Do you like my drawing?”

Say:
“I love that you made it. What do you think of it?”

Thousands of these moments teach our children:

• Their opinion matters.

• Their judgment is trustworthy.

• Their internal compass is reliable.

This builds a powerful sense of identity.

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4. Help Girls Ask for What They Want, Not Hint or Wish

Girls are socialised to hint, soften requests, or rely on others noticing what they need. This teaches them to be passive and hope for approval or luck.

Kasey teaches girls:

• Ask clearly.

• State what you want.

• Make a plan to get it.

This builds assertiveness, confidence, and independence, skills that matter through adolescence and adulthood.

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5. Independence & Mastery: Letting Kids Do Hard Things

Real confidence comes from doing things yourself, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Parents often rush in to help, thinking we’re protecting our children. But rescuing them sends the message:

“You can’t do this without me.”

Kasey encourages parents to:

• Let kids try.

• Let them struggle.

• Let them fail.

• Praise effort, not outcome.

• Encourage them to speak for themselves.

These everyday experiences build resilience from the ground up.

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6. Support Girls to Speak for Themselves

Speaking directly to adults is a strong predictor of social and academic success. But parents often answer for their children out of habit or discomfort.

A simple shift:

Ask your child,
“Remember what you were doing yesterday? Tell them about it.”

Even one-word answers build courage and communication skills.

7. Let Her Be Herself: Seed Parenting vs Stone Parenting

Kasey explains two approaches:

• Stone parenting: carving a child into who you think they should be.

• Seed parenting: nurturing them based on who they already are.

Girls thrive when parents stay curious about their strengths, interests, temperament, and personality—without pushing them into a narrow mould.

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Why These Principles Matter for Girls Today

Girls are navigating a world of big pressures, academic expectations, online comparison, beauty standards, social politics, safety concerns, and more.

But when girls feel:

• in control of their bodies

• grounded in who they are

• capable of trying hard things

• proud of their effort

• able to speak up

• confident in their inner voice

-they grow into young women who can move through the world with courage and self-respect.

Final Thoughts: Raising Girls Who Like Themselves Is a Daily Practice

None of these ideas require perfection. They’re small, consistent choices that help our daughters grow up feeling strong and secure.

As Kasey says, girls don’t need a flawless world to thrive. They need skills, autonomy, and a belief in themselves.

And that’s something we can give them, one conversation, one choice, one moment at a time.

Want more support?

If you’re raising a neurodivergent child, or simply want parenting to feel calmer and easier—you can explore my online parent courses here:

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