Parenting Differently Wired Kids: Lessons from Deborah Reber’s Differently Wired

When I hit record on my latest podcast episode, my opening “hi everybody” sounded more like a Sesame Street character than a psychologist and parent coach. Maybe that’s just what happens when you spend a lot of time with kids—they tell you exactly what they think, no filter. But that’s a fitting place to begin today’s conversation, because this episode (and this blog) is all about embracing kids exactly as they are, without trying to change them into something they’re not.

The book I unpacked in this episode is one of my new favourites: Differently Wired by Deborah Reber. If you’ve ever felt like parenting advice doesn’t quite fit your child—or that your family is walking an unmarked path—this one’s for you.

Why Differently Wired Stands Out

Reber defines “differently wired” kids as those who think, learn, or experience the world in unique ways—whether that’s ADHD, autism, dyslexia, anxiety, giftedness, or simply a child without a formal label. Her message is simple but powerful:

Your child isn’t broken. They’re just wired differently.

This book blends memoir, guidebook, and rallying cry. Reber is a parent herself, raising a neurodivergent son, and she calls parents to not only accept their kids fully, but also to advocate for them in systems that aren’t always designed with difference in mind.

Tilts: Parenting Mindset Shifts

Instead of offering a rigid “method,” Reber introduces 18 “tilts”—small but profound mindset shifts parents can adopt. They aren’t rules. They’re invitations to reflect, experiment, and find what resonates for your family.

Here are a few that really struck me:

• Question everything you thought you knew about parenting. Most advice assumes a “typical” child. For differently wired kids, you may need to rewrite the rulebook—or at least stop treating it as gospel.

• Get out of isolation and connect. Parenting is easier (and far less shame-filled) when you find your people—whether through support groups, communities like Yellow Ladybugs or the I CAN Network, or even trusted friends who “get it.”

• Let go of what others think. This is harder than it sounds, but it’s freeing. Other people’s opinions don’t define your parenting or your child.

• Parent from a place of possibility, not fear. At the moment of diagnosis, fear often dominates. What if instead, we focused on what’s possible for our kids, not just what’s hard?

• Let your child be on their own timeline. Milestones aren’t a race. Growth looks different for everyone, and that’s okay.

• Practice relentless self-care. Parenting a differently wired child takes energy. Looking after yourself isn’t indulgent—it’s essential.

• Make a ruckus when you need to. Systems won’t change unless we speak up. Advocacy isn’t being “that parent”; it’s being the parent your child needs.

• Help your kids embrace self-discovery. Long-term success means kids learning to understand and advocate for themselves.

The beauty of these tilts is that you don’t have to adopt all 18 at once. Even one or two can shift the way you see your child—and yourself.

Parenting Without Shame or Comparison

One of my favourite takeaways is that parenting differently wired kids is about moving away from shame, comparison, and the endless question of “am I doing this right?” There is no universal “right.” There is only:

• Attunement (noticing what your child needs).

• Acceptance (parenting the child you have, not the one you imagined).

• Alignment (adjusting your parenting to fit their needs, not society’s expectations).

When we shift into this mindset, parenting becomes less about fear of failure and more about possibility, growth, and connection.

A Note on Culture

I’ll admit, parts of the book felt very “American” to me—charter schools, terminology, and systems that don’t always translate directly into our Australian context. But if you stick with it, especially into the section on tilts, the lessons are universal.

And if you’re after resources closer to home, there are great Aussie organisations and podcasts popping up that fill that cultural gap. I’ll share more of those as I come across them.

Final Thoughts

Differently Wired isn’t a step-by-step manual. It’s better than that. It’s a permission slip to reimagine parenting in a way that honours your child’s uniqueness—and your own.

If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, judged, or unsure of where your family fits into the standard parenting narratives, this book might be the mindset reset you’ve been waiting for.

Take one tilt. Try it on. See how it feels. Then maybe try another.

Parenting differently wired kids isn’t about fixing them. It’s about supporting them—and ourselves—with acceptance, courage, and possibility.

Happy reading—and if you do pick up the book, I’d love to hear what resonated with you most.