The Power of Simply Being Around: Three Conversations With My Teenager

This week on Parent Like a Psychologist, I did something a little different. Instead of tackling one big parenting theme, I reflected on three conversations I had with my teenager. None of them were planned “deep and meaningfuls”—they were everyday chats that happened in the car, while folding laundry, or at the dinner table.

And yet, they mattered a lot.

These moments reminded me of something that’s easy to forget: one of the most powerful tools we have as parents of teenagers is simply being around. Not hovering, not lecturing—just being available when they come looking for connection.

Here are three conversations that illustrate why.

1. Saying No to a Friend Without Hurting Their Feelings

The first conversation started while I was folding laundry. My teen lingered nearby, clearly holding something back. Eventually, he asked:

“How do I say no to a friend without hurting their feelings?”

What an important question! Teens are still learning how to balance kindness with boundaries. They want to protect friendships, but they’re also figuring out how to stay true to themselves.

We talked about:

• Boundaries are healthy. It’s okay to say no—it doesn’t make you a bad friend.

• You can’t control other people’s feelings. You can be kind and respectful, but how they respond is up to them.

• Balance matters. Some teens people-please too much, while others don’t consider others enough. Both need practice finding the middle ground.

The next day, my son told me he had the conversation—and discovered his friend also didn’t really want to do the activity. Both had been going along to please the other! By being honest, they gave each other permission to be real.

2. Supporting a Friend Going Through a Hard Time

At dinner later in the week, another question surfaced:

“What do I say to a friend who’s going through something rough? I don’t want to say the wrong thing.”

Again—so insightful. Even adults struggle with this. For teens, who are navigating relationships with little experience, it’s especially daunting.

Here’s what we discussed:

• You don’t need perfect words. What matters most is showing up.

• You don’t need to fix it. Sometimes just listening is enough.

• It’s okay to ask. Saying, “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here” can mean more than trying to find the “right” answer.

In truth, this is exactly what I was doing for him at that moment—listening without fixing, showing that presence is powerful.

3. Handling the Pressure to Be Perfect

The final conversation came after my teen got an excellent test result—nearly perfect—but still felt disappointed.

“How do you deal with not being good enough when you’re not perfect?”

This led us into a talk about self-pressure:

• Where does the pressure come from? Not from parents this time, but from within—fear of letting others down.

• Effort over outcome. You can’t control your results, but you can control your effort.

• Growth over perfection. The goal isn’t a flawless score—it’s learning, progress, and flexibility.

We also explored the idea that two things can be true at once: you can feel proud of your achievement and still want to grow. That mental flexibility is vital for healthy self-esteem.

Why These Small Moments Matter

Looking back, none of these conversations would have happened if I hadn’t simply been around—folding laundry, eating dinner, driving home from school.

Teenagers need independence, yes, but they also need us to be close by and available when they come looking. Think of it like this:

• With little kids, you’re like a puppy—excited, enthusiastic, always nearby.

• With teens, you’re more like a cat—low-key, chill, present without pressure.

By showing up consistently, you create space for the little conversations that often turn into the big ones.

Final Thoughts

If your teen feels distant, don’t give up. Keep showing up. Be laid back. Listen when they talk. It doesn’t have to be perfect—you can always revisit a conversation if you feel you got it wrong.

These everyday moments, stacked up over time, are what build trust, connection, and resilience.

And if this resonates with you, share it with another parent raising a teen. Parenting can feel lonely, but we don’t have to do it alone.