Why Autistic Kids Need Their Stims – And Why That’s a Good Thing

By Leanne Tran | Psychologist | Parent Like a Psychologist

Now that the kids are back at school, I’m breathing again. Can anyone else relate? Working from home during the holidays with little ones around is no small feat. Not because of anything they’re doing wrong—it’s just that they need you. For snacks, for help, for play. And it's hard to find time for yourself in the midst of all that.

So if you’ve been in the same boat, my advice? Take a moment now that they're back at school. Just for yourself. Even a tiny pause helps you come back calmer, more connected, and more grounded with your kids.

Back to Autism, Regulation & Stimming

A few episodes back, I talked about how autistic kids can experience trauma just by existing in a world designed for neurotypical people. That series took a short break during the school holidays while I featured some lovely guest interviews. But now, I’m back to it—starting with something that I believe is so important:

Why autistic kids need their stims.

What is Stimming?

“Stimming” refers to repetitive behaviours that help kids regulate their nervous systems. It might look like:

Hand-flapping
Rocking
Tapping
Repeating phrases (echolalia)
Pacing or walking on toes
Reenacting a favourite movie scene

These behaviours often help autistic children calm themselves, express emotion (especially joy), or manage overwhelming sensory input.

Why Suppressing Stimming Is Harmful

I’ve known for a while—and the research backs this up—that suppressing these behaviours isn’t just ineffective; it’s counterproductive.

Telling a child not to stim is like asking someone with anxiety to “just stay calm.” You're not helping them feel better, you're just asking them not to show it. And what does that teach them? That their feelings should be hidden. That they can't show when they're joyful or overwhelmed. That they should mask their needs.

And that’s where real harm begins.

What If It’s Just Joy?

At a recent Yellow Ladybugs conference, psychologist Sandhya Menon reminded us: joy alone should be reason enough to accept stimming.

Why take away something that brings a child happiness?

Joy is not just a “nice to have.” It builds resilience, boosts mental health, and is honestly the point of childhood. When we reframe stimming not just as regulation but also as an expression of happiness, we shift our whole perspective.

Stimming Is Communication

All behaviour is communication—especially in children who struggle with identifying or expressing emotions. Many autistic children have difficulty with interoception, the ability to notice internal states like hunger, stress, or emotional overwhelm. If your child doesn’t realise they’re overwhelmed, they can’t tell you. But they can show you through their body.

Stimming is often their best attempt at letting you know how they feel. And that makes it something to listen to—not silence.

But What Can I Do Instead?

If you’ve been wondering how to support your child’s regulation without trying to control their behaviour, here’s where to start:

1. Get Curious

Instead of asking how to stop a behaviour, ask:
“What is my child trying to tell me?”
Notice patterns. What helps them calm down? What makes it worse?

2. Create Regulation Tools

A sensory corner with their favourite items
A quiet retreat space for when they need a break
Use emotion thermometers (with colours, numbers, or visuals) to help them identify feelings
Narrate what you see:
- “Your hands are on your ears. Do you need a quiet space?”
- “Your body looks wiggly. Do you need to move or bounce?”

Start these conversations outside moments of meltdown. In crisis, just help them regulate. Teaching happens later, when they’re calm.

School Can Be Overwhelming

School often brings its own regulation challenges. Loud, busy, and unpredictable environments can trigger stress. Many autistic kids mask all day—suppressing their stims to fit in—and then fall apart when they get home.

If you’re noticing after-school meltdowns, this could be why.

Advocacy matters here. Help your child’s teachers understand how regulation works for your child. If a behaviour helps them cope, they need to be allowed to do it during the school day. Otherwise, we’re asking them to manage without their coping tools.

💡 I have a free guide for parents on how to advocate for your child at school, including scripts and tips: learn.leannetran.com.au/free

What Joy Looks Like

One of my favourite moments in therapy is when a child starts talking about something they love. Their face lights up. Their eyes sparkle. And so often, that comes with their stimming—talking fast, rocking, flapping, pacing.

And honestly? It’s beautiful.

That’s what every child deserves: to feel joy, to feel safe expressing it, and to be accepted just as they are.

Final Thoughts

Instead of seeing stimming as something to fix, let’s see it for what it really is:

A regulation tool
A form of communication
A sign of joy

When we encourage our kids to stim freely, we’re telling them: “I see you. I accept you. Just as you are.”

Next episode, I’ll dive into how to better tune in to what your child is feeling—especially when they can't use words to explain. But for now, let’s leave it here:

Support the stims. Celebrate the spins. And let joy lead the way.