Episode 65: Getting demand avoidant kids to do things
How can I help parents better understand and address their demand-avoiding children’s behaviour? In this episode, I explore an approach called "declarative language," aimed at transforming parental demands into collaborative communication with children, helping to foster cooperation rather than resistance.
What is declarative language, and how does it shift the parent-child dynamic? I delve into this subtle yet powerful strategy, which focuses on sharing observations instead of issuing direct commands. For example, instead of saying, “Put your shoes on,” parents might say, “I noticed your shoes are by the door.” This simple change invites children to make their own decisions, reducing the likelihood of power struggles.
How can declarative language be applied in everyday parenting scenarios? From morning routines to homework and social situations, I provide practical examples that help parents introduce this approach. I discuss ways to make routines smoother, from suggesting where a child’s lunch is to commenting on a friend’s interest in toys, allowing children to respond without feeling pressured.
What challenges might parents face in adopting declarative language, and how can they overcome them? I acknowledge that this shift in language may take time to feel natural for both parents and children. I recommend using specific routines to practise, allowing pauses for children to process, and encouraging independence by offering choices. I also point listeners to helpful resources and fact sheets for additional support. So get a better insight, tune in to this episode right now!
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